We live in a world of innuendo and internet theories: figurative, digital rabbit holes spiralling into unlikely burrows occupied by shadowy and nefarious government figures, clumsy scientists at the beck and call of big pharma, tech monsters with 5G in a syringe, and cabals of paedophiles with their fingers on the nuclear button.
Of course,
we all know these to be unfounded trash. They are the products of bored, easily
influenced minds which lack basic critical faculties or skills and are only nourished
by their fervent search for confirmation bias. They lurk in online forums,
social media, comment sections, ready to pounce with their uniting call to arms,
‘do the research,’ completely unaware of the irony of them wielding this simple
sentence. ‘Research’ is not scrolling your Facebook feed for an alarmist, agreeable
headline. Research is a rigorous, expansive process of not just taking in any
bit of information you see, but vetting the source of this information, asking
yourself who the stakeholders are, whether there is any evidence of peer
review. All this is to say that ‘research’ is not the video diary of social
media semi-celebrity – themselves often guilty of cherry picking,
decontextualising, or downright misreading (imaginatively, at times, sure)
information – but, rather, the systematic process of verifying your source, engaging
entirely with it in full, and actively challenging your own assumptions.
The
systematic devaluing of a wide-ranging education (one that isn’t obsessed with
so-called ‘employable skills,’ but encourages critical and creative engagement
with, I dunno, existence) and scientific process by conservative politicians
and their media goon squad has effectively established a disproportionate population of lost,
gullible morons. Throw in the fallacy of equal opinion – that your opinion is
as true and deserving of respect as anyone’s, irrespective of expertise – and you
have a bunch of people who are confidently incorrect.
Well, I’m
here to say, that you’re all wrong. Covid-19 was not a terrible accident that
escaped from a complacent, secretive, overly image conscious China. Oh, no. It goes so
much deeper than that. And you can trust me. I’m a Doctor of Literature.
If you jumble the letters of Sars
Covid Nineteen, you get the word ‘antirecession’ with the letters E and N
leftover. Switch E and N around, though, and you get ‘Ne,’ the atomic sign for
the chemical element of Neon.
We then need to ask ourselves
what kind of people are ‘antirecession’? Conservative politicians, of course.
And what happens when you expose someone to raw Neon … frostbite. Considering
that conservative politicians are so keen to trim government expenditure and
overreach, it would make perfect sense to assume that a conservative politician
afflicted with frostbite would choose to amputate the damaged limb. They’re
always cutting, see?
This leaves us with amputees. A
lot of amputees are amputees because of gangrene.
Stay with me, now. It’s about to
get a lot more hectic.
Gangrene, gang green, Green Gang –
that’s right, the famous Chinese secret society and criminal organization![1]
Obviously, you may think this all
leads back to some global Chinese conspiracy, but this is merely a feint; what
they want you to believe. The clue is in the idea of a ‘secret society,’ which
are formed initially as kinds of ‘coteries’ (note the rhyme!), in which people
get together because of their shared interests and tastes.
If look closely at the word, ‘coteries,’
now, we find that its letters also spell ‘esoteric’ – an ‘adjective’ that
means: ‘understood by or meant for only the select few who have special
knowledge or interest’.[2] You know what is famously ‘esoteric’?
Exactly. The supernatural
practices and fascinations of the occult.
And do you know what people
interested in the occult are often called?
Pagans.
These heretics, by any measure,
would seem a likely type to blame for a global pandemic. A ritual gone wrong. A
prayer to the wrong demon. Some horrific scheme to bring an end to western Judeo-Christian
thought.
But, my friends, it doesn’t stop
there.
It goes on, though we near the
endgame.
Pagans. There are many pagans in
the world, but there is one prominent Pagan.
Denis Pagan the famed Australian
Rules Football coach.
Football. Football is a type of
sport.
So is basketball. Basketball is a
global sport that is played on a court.
Courts of law are often featured
in movies. Movies about contentious issues. Conflicts. Questions of integrity.
Of basic rights.
Movies … courts … basketball ... rights.
A movie about playing basketball,
though it must be contentious; a matter of perhaps bending the rules, but also giving
a broad message of inclusion, of the right to play. That basketball is for
anyone…
Oh, lord. It makes sense, doesn’t
it?
Air Bud.
Air Bud is a golden retriever dog.
For us to be home with them all
the time.
It was the dogs.
Dogs wanting us to stay home
caused this.
It makes sense.
Do the research.
