Thursday, 21 December 2023

thoughts of a humid day

 I. AM. MOIST.


The air smothers me like a sopping wet blanket, fresh from a warm wash, smelling vaguely of mold.


Sweat pools in the unspeakable zones of my body. It dribbles down into the small of my back where it lingers and, I presume, waits. For what? I am not yet sure.


I look skyward. I pray for the storm. The heavens rumble. They say, ‘not yet. You must first know more of my oppression, puny man.’


The liquid that composes the majority of my form is leaking out of me at an unfathomable rate. It will not be long before I will be a dried, desiccated husk desperately licking the air for just a taste of the water robbed from me.


Now, the illusions begin: the nightmares of my breath being sucked from my body by the heavy weight of the atmosphere given the hefty, rotund frame of Clive Palmer reaching for the back of my head to pull me into his damp, perspiring embrace. I fight against it. But, like a Queenslander, I end up going with the tide and I am suddenly suspicious of everyone and I love the humidity.


I cannot escape the burden. It has me trapped and moving sluggishly, as though I am trying to breaststroke - the  coward’s stroke - in warm, clear mud.


I am a fish suffocating in a boiling pond.


I am the promise of rain refused.

Friday, 27 August 2021

the actually true Covid-19 theory they don’t want you to know about …


We live in a world of innuendo and internet theories: figurative, digital rabbit holes spiralling into unlikely burrows occupied by shadowy and nefarious government figures, clumsy scientists at the beck and call of big pharma, tech monsters with 5G in a syringe, and cabals of paedophiles with their fingers on the nuclear button.

            Of course, we all know these to be unfounded trash. They are the products of bored, easily influenced minds which lack basic critical faculties or skills and are only nourished by their fervent search for confirmation bias. They lurk in online forums, social media, comment sections, ready to pounce with their uniting call to arms, ‘do the research,’ completely unaware of the irony of them wielding this simple sentence. ‘Research’ is not scrolling your Facebook feed for an alarmist, agreeable headline. Research is a rigorous, expansive process of not just taking in any bit of information you see, but vetting the source of this information, asking yourself who the stakeholders are, whether there is any evidence of peer review. All this is to say that ‘research’ is not the video diary of social media semi-celebrity – themselves often guilty of cherry picking, decontextualising, or downright misreading (imaginatively, at times, sure) information – but, rather, the systematic process of verifying your source, engaging entirely with it in full, and actively challenging your own assumptions.

            The systematic devaluing of a wide-ranging education (one that isn’t obsessed with so-called ‘employable skills,’ but encourages critical and creative engagement with, I dunno, existence) and scientific process by conservative politicians and their media goon squad has effectively established a disproportionate population of lost, gullible morons. Throw in the fallacy of equal opinion – that your opinion is as true and deserving of respect as anyone’s, irrespective of expertise – and you have a bunch of people who are confidently incorrect.

            Well, I’m here to say, that you’re all wrong. Covid-19 was not a terrible accident that escaped from a complacent, secretive, overly image conscious China. Oh, no. It goes so much deeper than that. And you can trust me. I’m a Doctor of Literature.

             Let’s start at the beginning.

If you jumble the letters of Sars Covid Nineteen, you get the word ‘antirecession’ with the letters E and N leftover. Switch E and N around, though, and you get ‘Ne,’ the atomic sign for the chemical element of Neon.

We then need to ask ourselves what kind of people are ‘antirecession’? Conservative politicians, of course. And what happens when you expose someone to raw Neon … frostbite. Considering that conservative politicians are so keen to trim government expenditure and overreach, it would make perfect sense to assume that a conservative politician afflicted with frostbite would choose to amputate the damaged limb. They’re always cutting, see?

This leaves us with amputees. A lot of amputees are amputees because of gangrene.

Stay with me, now. It’s about to get a lot more hectic.

Gangrene, gang green, Green Gang – that’s right, the famous Chinese secret society and criminal organization![1]

Obviously, you may think this all leads back to some global Chinese conspiracy, but this is merely a feint; what they want you to believe. The clue is in the idea of a ‘secret society,’ which are formed initially as kinds of ‘coteries’ (note the rhyme!), in which people get together because of their shared interests and tastes.

If look closely at the word, ‘coteries,’ now, we find that its letters also spell ‘esoteric’ – an ‘adjective’ that means: ‘understood by or meant for only the select few who have special knowledge or interest’.[2] You know what is famously ‘esoteric’?

Exactly. The supernatural practices and fascinations of the occult.

And do you know what people interested in the occult are often called?

Pagans.

These heretics, by any measure, would seem a likely type to blame for a global pandemic. A ritual gone wrong. A prayer to the wrong demon. Some horrific scheme to bring an end to western Judeo-Christian thought.

But, my friends, it doesn’t stop there.

It goes on, though we near the endgame.

Pagans. There are many pagans in the world, but there is one prominent Pagan.

Denis Pagan the famed Australian Rules Football coach.

Football. Football is a type of sport.

So is basketball. Basketball is a global sport that is played on a court.

Courts of law are often featured in movies. Movies about contentious issues. Conflicts. Questions of integrity. Of basic rights.

Movies … courts … basketball ... rights.

A movie about playing basketball, though it must be contentious; a matter of perhaps bending the rules, but also giving a broad message of inclusion, of the right to play. That basketball is for anyone…

Oh, lord. It makes sense, doesn’t it?

Air Bud.

Air Bud is a golden retriever dog.

            What do dogs want more than anything?

For us to be home with them all the time.

It was the dogs.

Dogs wanting us to stay home caused this.

It makes sense.

Do the research.

 



[2] https://www.dictionary.com/browse/esoteric


Friday, 6 August 2021

thoughts on another day in lockdown

 


I am not within lockdown. I am Lockdown. 


I am, in fact, the dulcet tones of another announcement. 


Call me Daily Update.


I have become bed and trackies and a steady consumption of alcohol sloshing out of the glass and

onto my wrist and I no longer care about the stains. Give me my television binge. Give me another

bottle.


To not live in perpetual awareness of that horrific mathematical object: numbers. To be free of these

figures and records and once again relish a world absenst of their implacable upward ticking. 


A nightmare of a bespectacled Northface jacket in front of a crowd of microphones, intoning … always

intoning.


My Mental Health is whittling away at something.  I am sure what, but it looks like my brain stem.

My Mental Health keeps winking at me and calling me names like: Sport, Tiger, or Champ. I hate these

names.


Muse now on performing another half-hearted HIIT. Settle, instead, on eating more chocolate and

putting it off until tomorrow. 


Lather (if you can be fucked). Rinse (or don’t, we can shower in a day or so - let the crust off your skin

scent your mattress cover). Repeat.


Hallucinations of Scott Morrison in floaties and a Hawaiian shirt, listlessly drinking Pina Coladas out of

a coconut while some peon of the Murdoch press gently fans him down with a thick stack of paper

orders for Pfizer and whispers, ‘you are doing ok, master.’


I watch him and his mates as they stare with the face of morons at the end of their intellectual, creative

capacity - blank, bland, without answer - as their citizens’ livelihoods continue to slip through the cracks

they let fester and burst.


I watch Gerry Harvey swim in a pool of money like Scrooge McDuck, but with significantly less charm

and a much shittier theme song.


Will there ever be enough toilet paper to go around? Should we descend on our supermarkets in a

panic? Is it worth investing in a bidet?


And under too many rocks and bridges - rocks and bridges I ignored - were trollish conspiracy theories

left to formulate and bubble: brews in a cauldron too willingly drunk by those who claim to have critical

faculties, but who don’t understand the irony of them saying, ‘do the research,’ when they don’t even

ask the source of the ingredients that they consume; whose algorithms feed them crap they mistake for

nourishing, but has all the benefits of a battered, deep-fried Mars Bar.


Just inject the 5G directly into my veins. 


We step free of our house and are immediately turned around, gently led back to our couch, as another

plane lands from Sydney.


I am another series of hobbies and lawn care and paint jobs. An unending trip to Bunnings and a slowly

wilting sourdough starter left too long in the cold.


I am the rhythmic patter of rainfall made human. A series of motions progressively emptied of

significance, left momentarily to stain the ground, then evaporate.


I am made of soft clothes and blankets. A reflection on a screen.

Thursday, 27 May 2021

An Ode To Panic Buyers

You know what? Lockdowns suck. This is an almost irrefutably true and universally agreed upon fact. They are an unwelcome intrusion into the regular rhythms of our lives, relegating us to shame spirals of ‘working’ from home, Netflix binges, and comfy pants that - let’s be honest - needed a wash about a week ago, but they’ve become so warm and familiar and one with you that to cleanse their fabric would be akin to betraying your own being, like scrubbing your dirty filthy soul clean, while knowing that you don’t really deserve it - you only deserve your warm, softly stained pants, worn at the crotch and getting a little sandy at the cuffs. All the while, we are perfumed with the peculiar aroma that permeates your particular spot on the couch, consume a mountain of questionably nutritious food, inevitably washed down with cheap wine that often has the cruel, unforgivable, acidic scent of tropical/blackberry farts, and perpetually put off the next YouTube HIIT workout, cos, honestly, fuck it and fuck this disease.

Lockdowns turn us into caged creatures who often misplace our humanity for the sake of perhaps, if only for a moment, feeling something. Such is our desperation to pretend we are fine, to show how cool we are with this awesome downtime/free time, we overindulge in its surprising excess to communicate to life and its current misfortunes that, yeah, we don’t care. You can’t keep us down. Watch me FEEL! I will lounge, consume, guzzle, glue my eyes to a screen to forget the predicament and, therefore, forget my own persona. 

I am lockdown. We are all lockdown. We can do lockdown. 

But, do you know what I and - I feel fairly safe in assuming this - most of my immediate acquaintances will never do? Become fucking slaven to the mass hysteria of insufferable stupidity that leads people down the tiring, toilet paper walled path of mince meat and non-perishable pasta known as fucking panic buying.

You craven pieces of human excrement, void of anything beneath the floppy exterior of your disappointing, leathery skins, likely adorned with southern cross tattoos. The sheer volume of filth that you must produce to justify the purchase of so much dunny paper is, simply put, beyond mortal comprehension. Such mess can only be the domain of the gods and, trust me, they watch over you with eyebrows raised, muttering to themselves, ‘that’s a lot of shit,’ and I’m not sure they’re talking about what you stain your toilets with.

I see you, gathered in your little online conspiracy covens, muttering about shortages and rations and how the vaccine is designed to implant mind-controlling microchips as you share the latest Sky News dial-a-quote from that semi-sentiment, mouldy aubergine, Craig Kelly, on all your social medias, each electronically tuned into your specific locations. He’s talking wisdom, you say, as you munch into another bowl of boiled, low-grade beef, served over spaghetti as disappointedly overcooked, slippery, and flaccid as your sex drive. Done all the research for me, you burp as you slurp another noodle in between the loosely pinched arsehole of your lips, bizarrely crusted with hair, dandruff, and dehydrated milk.

If you only possessed an iota more rationality and critical capacity than the moistly plastered grime, manky dust, baked bean cans, and half eaten packets of weevil infested rigatoni that lie forgotten in your uninspiring pantries. Then, maybe - and I stress the qualifying nature of the adverb that in this case refuses to commit to any sense of certainty - maybe, you will be conscious of the weighty stupidity of your behaviour. The utter lack of foresight. The wide-eyed, slack-jawed, fluffy, fearful sheep-like nature of it. The bland idiocy of power purchasing toilet paper as though you are moments away from being stricken with a particularly serious case of infinite diarrhea; a case, I might add, that’s severity, based on your shopping habits, will most likely leave you permanently affixed to your grotesque receptacle, unable to rise and cleanse and actually use the hoarded mountain of toilet paper that makes your bathroom akin to the cave of a crippled, smirking, and disappointing dragon: the crappy third cousin of Smaug. And, truthfully, if only we could be so fucking lucky to see you forever roosted atop your shitty throne, unable to bother the rest of us, as you shit and shit and shit for all days.

I fucking detest you, you exhausting excuse of a homosapien, you utterly sad and ever predictable brute. Fuck off to the depraved dwelling from which you scampered and where you ever lurk, waiting for the next excuse to start screaming that the sky is falling, cos Mr Kelly and some Qanon agent - a barely conscious neckbeard, who is more inconsistent wifi and erased internet porn history than man - told you so.


Sunday, 31 May 2020

The Knife Sharpener (50 & 51)


50.

Bohemian Bob Tells His Version of the Wastes (5)

War brings all kinds, Nicky. Scurrilous sorts, mostly. People keen to pick at the corpses and the wreckage. Profiteers seeing a cheap buck to be made. And the gold hunters were already scattered through the east, waiting to dig at the remains of Walker and Taylor to see what clues they could uncover about buried hordes of gold. They all have interests in keeping that kinda turmoil kicking. In that, they’re a bit like a shitty footy player tagging a gun. All they want is to ramp the tension, milk the indecision, make it all dirty, drag it to their level. A truce is bad for business. An agreement that things got too messy.
            Chauncey – what’d you say he was calling himself again, Helmut?
            Chance.
            Yeah, that fella. He’s one of them dirt types. Keen to stick a fist in the ribs when you ain’t looking and duck off the other way while you check for some official to call foul. Sneak a goal out the back kinda cunt, ya know?
            Power hungry fucker. And when Aayden ran back to his uncle Roy and got the Taylors all fired up and marching off to brawl, Chauncey – Chance, whatever, he ratted out the whole situation to the Walkers. He conned his way into the funeral preparations with a few tough lads and he gets to telling them who killed old Sharmayne’s mum and that Roy was bout to break the armistice on Carers. But, worry not, he said to the Walkers. Pointed at the guys with him. I’ve got a few of me own Carers willing to work for gold.
            There was no moment of thought or doubt as far as Sharmayne was concerned. She hired a few of them right from Chance and put em to work Caring up some knives and forks for weapons.
            They didn’t – I didn’t know, he’d already sold off a few equally less worthwhile Carers already to Aayden, Roy, and the Taylors. Chance, he put himself in the middle of it as the fucking arm’s dealer.
            I thought we were on the same side for a bit. Realised pretty quick his only interest is himself, but. No Ministry about the man. Detested Ministry, actually. Yet, it didn’t stop him basically helping in its dirty work. And when it all went pear shaped, he came begging to me to keep him out of it. Didn’t want to be tarnished as a war crim, right. I told him I’d see what I could do. Man frightened me, to be honest. When I excised him and Rudiger from the stories, a couple of years later the motoboys started keeping watch of me. Wasn’t sure if it was to keep me quiet. Or payback. Probably both. Chance hedged his bets.
            And speaking of Rudiger, he watched his heart get torn, as his missus fell in with the conflict. He disappeared for a while there. Somewhere out east. When he came back, it wasn’t pretty.
            The conflict kicked hard from the get-go. Armed to the gills, Taylors and Walkers systematically demolished each other’s Collection Stations, manor houses, compounds, and union halls, killing any number of family and disappearing tracts of the east to the looser powers of the Cared weapons they recklessly carried. For though Roy was an accomplished Carer, the hitmen Chance hired out were little more than journeyman scrubs whose Cared tools were as likely to backfire as they were to properly function. The other Carers who were hidin out there tried to keep out of it, but fearing that they’d choose the wrong side and twist the war, Taylor and Walker hunted em down. And them gold diggers, too, took a dislike to em, firstly, when they refused to Care for their pick axes, and secondly, when they thought they might step in and end shit and ruin their chance to pick at the remains of whatever gold mines were hidden across the east. The Carers were hunted, mutilated, and cut down. The order was getting well trimmed.
            The war continued to rage and flame. Senseless in the way that things can get when revenge and greed are the fuel. It was a series of raids, surprise attacks, drive bys, and duels. As I said, the Cared implements were destructive, digging out swathes of land into voids that far as I know still swell and vibrate out there. Butter knives used to sever people from existence itself. Pots and pans which gathered the air and burned it molten, that was then hurled at the opposition. Most of it that wasn’t Cared by Roy or his men was a hair trigger prospect, likely as not to disappear the wielder as serve it actual function. Like I heard about a whisk Cared to scramble a man’s molecules, which backfired and twisted the arms of the man who had into red liquorice. He lived. Uncomfortably.
Released of her affair and swelled with a new infatuation, Sharmayne led with unbridled violence. She torched Taylor lands right to the edges of the Valley. Savage aboard her Holden, leaning out the window screaming and shooting. Sharmayne hunted for Aayden. Suburb to suburb. Aayden fled from her, salting the land as he went, causing his own kind of twisted carnage.
Eventually, Sharmayne believed she had him trapped. With her brother Hunter, they cornered him at a Toll Booth deep in Taylor lands. They stormed right into a trap. Gunfire opened on the siblings and Hunter fell in a tangled, riddled mess. Sharmayne who had been blinded by the idea of achieving her satisfaction fell with a bullet in the knee. From the Booth stepped Aayden, bearing a knife especially Cared by his Uncle Roy. It was a chef’s knife, Nicky, a bit like yours. He came up to Sharmayne and people said he shed tears for the woman he loved who didn’t love him back. I’ve always believed that was bullshit, but. Man didn’t have tears. He only saw something that he couldn’t possibly have, and, cos of that, it wasn’t worth keeping round. She wouldn’t submit to him. Not ever. Cut down and waiting for the inevitable, she only stared at Aayden as he came and a string of sweet curses dripped from her lips. He placed the knife to her throat and slit.
It was not the first time that knife had done its business. People knew what it did. Nothing quite so otherworldly as slicing through time and space. Nah. What it was Cared to do was separate a being from its body. It cut the souls right outta ya physical sack. Dribbled out their wounds. Then as it floated free, the knife could rend the body of the soul, flay it, slice it, mince it into nothing. Aayden took that knife to Sharmayne’s body and spiritual existence and cut both into paste, then nothingness as the air carried it away. She was diced out of this world.
For a moment, it seemed as though hostilities would cease. Brutality had been thought to reach its crescendo. And though it was more violent and terrible than anything I had anticipated, the job was all but done. The Ministry would clean up the east. Block off the black holes. Take back the land and have the control it sought.
Rudiger heard about Sharmayne, but. Any idea of peace was quashed as he exacted his terrible revenge.
Not just on the Taylor’s neither. He became adept at hunting Carers – Helmut there may tell you one day. He blamed them for creating the kind of monstrous weapons that could so thoroughly vanquish his love. And in his rage, the cool calculations of the man remerged: he saw it as his mission to clear the way for Ministry and turned on the Walkers and their Carers, too, whom had started as his loudest cheerleaders, then came to tremble at his name.
No one knew where he was hiding out. But they knew the dull thump of his cricket bat. The deep voice of a man committed to his task, who had talked himself into it, informing the victim of their crimes, the rationale of their impending battering.
Eventually he came for Aayden, Roy, and the knife. I was there. Under duress. Found by the Taylors at a Walker compound. Rudiger came in one evening as they interrogated me about what I knew. The coward Aayden he fled. Roy tried to stand his ground with the knife, but Rudiger slipped past him and took out his legs with the cricket bat. He took the knife to him then. Claiming this was how justice is best served. The Ministry Good requires balance, he said as he took apart the bits of Roy’s soul like a chef at a chicken carcass.
It was horrific. I still think about it. Too much.
He left with the knife to hunt down what was left of Roy’s Carers in the compound.
That was enough for me. I fled.
Of course, what happened after is well known. Aayden’s last stand at the Costco. The faulty spatula he tried to use which ultimately scrapped away a large swathe of Ringwood, before he was gunned down by gold diggers. The whole east lost to insanity. The Walker and Taylor families split. Tracts of land empty and burnt and swirling into vortexes. Things, molecules, the stuff of reality displaced and fractured. Distorted. There was nothing left for the Ministry. I suspect that Rudiger made it certain: there was nothing Good there anymore, no room for it to fit.
            And, still, he came out a hero. The man who tried to save the east. I fixed the story. Omitted his role from the love story become tale of revenge. I made it a tragedy. In a sense, it really was.

51.
Paul was dreaming of stars and cults and finding the best in people.
            The grates near the train line rattled. Churned against rust. Limply, Paul woke up and looked straight into the flames of a lamp. Above it a beard floated against the dark.
            ‘Paul,’ the beard said and split in two. ‘Time to go.’
            The light came to Paul then and he smiled a little, but didn’t know why.

Monday, 25 May 2020

The Knife Sharpener (49)


49.

Bohemian Bob Tells His Version of the Wastes (4)

In a culinary obsessed city, we can kinda look at it like a bunch of ingredients, yeah? Everything was simmering in the pot, but the flavour wasn’t quite right for it to really pop. We had fictional gold mines all over the east, gold hunters flowin in and getting into places they didn’t belong, Aayden Taylor starting to put his nose in where he shouldn’t, Rudiger finding passion in love and lust, and an ancient grudge boiling suspicion and greed into lethal fumes. But it missed the seasoning.
            Helmut’s boys took care of that, didn’t they?
            The Carers weren’t much liked by the Ministry, which didn’t have time for their shaman hocus pocus. Their gift was to fuck with the inherent value of things. This didn’t really mix with the Ministry worldview. Biffs had been chasing them from one end of Melbourne to the other for years and a few had already escaped out east.
            They were mostly welcome out there. Both the Taylors and Walkers liked to keep a few on staff at any given time. In advisory roles mostly. They thought them wise and wordly, but they were also superstitious about those kinds of things – not wanting to make the magics of the world agro, that kinda shit.
            You’d think they would’ve long ago weaponised em, but. Had em turn a couple of forks into weapons of mass destruction, twist a couple of spoons to scoop the other family out of existence.
            It does not work like that.
            That right, Helmet? Really?
            Mostly. More complicated.
            May be so, but I saw some weird shit from a few Carers when I was a kid. A saucepan that simmered the air around it. A pepper grinder that minced molecules into finer forms of dust. Real sorcerers. Alchemist shit. You folks – you had power, Helmut. Might’ve been careful in its application. But it was there.
            Anyway, the Walkers and the Taylors, they’d reached a kind of truce long ago about using Carers in their conflicts. A few Cared utensils out in the east, in the hands of the wrong kinda folks – they knew that that kinda escalation could spell annihilation. Pointless to be in charge when there’s nothing to lord over.
            The so-called Great Gold Rush disturbed that worldview.
            A few of the Carers that came over, they weren’t happy at their banishment. They’d had good lives in the city, doing research in universities with their banished Gardner Creek Guardian friends. Working in restaurants at the height of the dining craze with chefs like Maxwell Olinda – before Ministry took control of eating regulations. Or, just doing as Helmut here does, getting around, helping people out with their tools, bringing out the best in their potential. The Biffs that came for em, but, had no sympathy. Took their hands mostly. They was an enraged order, Nicky, and they came out east with that fury.
            Some say that the Carers got greedy over the gold. Saw a resource that was scarce in the world to weave their magic into. An element that was naturally imbued with a kind of magic lustre. A material to be fabricated and Cared into tools to enact their revenge against the Ministry.
This was partly true. But they didn’t see the gold as a part of their magic. They saw it as a source of revenue. The Carers were as eager as any gold hunter out in the easts and significantly more dangerous. The east was suddenly flooded with Cared cutlery and a few Cared chef knives. A part of Belgrave was sucked off into a black hole opened up by spoon in a nasty disagreement between some gold hunters who pillaged a careless Carer.
You can see that the story was getting out of my hands now. Poised on the edge of some bottomless chasm. Waiting for either the Walkers or Taylors to make their move and push the other in. Both had been rattling sabres. Trying to flush out the nuisance gold hunters. Control the flow of Cared items. And both were getting greedy to find the other’s gold.
Rudiger was wrapped up in Sharmayne during this. Letting the carnage bubble away. Ever dutiful to his mission, he did his part in spreading misinformation, fanning the flames, but with none of the vigour I’d seen in him at the Taylors. The man was deep in the business of his love. They both were. The queen of the east was usually the first to arms. Cos of their affair, but, Sharmayne had been pulled away from the Walker business. She had been an absent spark to the whole disaster.
I wonder sometimes if your dad did it on purpose. Kept her back long as he did.
The reverie and tension were bound to intersect.
Two things happened almost simultaneously. Firstly, Roy Taylor came home. His name has been seared from existence, Nicky. It should be a fucking parable of hubris and careless arrogance. If the Carers had a leader, he was it. A brilliant man who saw no limits to his skill and was unafraid to announce or demonstrate it. He loathed the Ministry. He was their terror. Out east, he came with rage and a posse of dangerous Carers to implore his brother, the head of the Taylors, for funds – gold – to fight back against their oppression. He had an apprentice with him – Helmut, over there, but a different name back then.
Secondly, Aayden discovered Rudiger and Sharmayne’s affair. He had been snooping around the Walker estate for weeks, hoping for glances of his apparent beloved. I had seen him on my frequent wanders with the bottle on their grounds. The Walker matriarch at the time, lovely woman, she’d show me the wattles and we’d have a toke and a chat about who was boning who. Gave me all kinds of juice for my stories.
Aayden was always disguised, never particularly cleverly, but sufficiently to go unnoticed by any who had been fortunate enough to not spend time near him. I didn’t rat him out. Wanted to avoid such confrontations. I regret that.
On one of his stalks, he discovered Rudiger with Sharmayne, in the rear of her Holden, together on one of their clandestine flings. Aayden was contorted with jealousy and betrayal. He pulled his gun and indiscriminately fired it at the couple.
The only bullet that hit though was one which went through the eye of Sharmayne’s mother who I was pottering through the garden with at the time. She was just finishing tellin me bout some ancient footy match, when the Walkers and Taylors weren’t quite so violent, when I was suddenly covered in eye goo. I could hear this weak, whining wail from nearby, and crashing bushes as Aayden nicked off. Then Rudiger calling out, asking who was there. Sharmayne came running to her mother and she didn’t weep a tear, Nicky. She got up, pushed away Rudiger who didn’t really know what to do – he stood there with his arms out and pupils dilated – and ran off to the house.
Aayden fled back to the Taylors and found his uncle Roy. Together they hatched a plan to get back at the Walkers: for Sharmayne’s betrayal and for their gold.
The truce was broken. The Carers went to work. Sharmayne was cold and distraught. And I saw the strains of my story begin to fray at the edges as both sides committed to the other’s complete destruction.

Saturday, 23 May 2020

The Knife Sharpener (48)


 48.

Bohemian Bob Tells His Version of the Wastes (3)

Not to give too much away about ya dad, Nicky, but it was like a man coming in from a drought. He was dehydrated, a little delirious, and desperate to quench his thirst, and when he finally found a billabong – so to speak – his whole face went into that nourishing pond and came up sopping wet, hair lank, eyes filmed with satisfaction. The grit and grime of the dirt that had caked onto him slid off in slick, streaky lines.
            If the metaphor isn’t clear, Sharmayne was his long cool drink of water. His chance to connect with something that wasn’t the Ministry Good. In her, he found a fiery spirit who wielded a Magnum revolver like a fencing sword and provocatively proclaimed her independence, her will, her future at the head of the Walker family. She was the queen of the eastern suburbs, the scourge of the Taylors, the roughest and toughest of the Toll Gang capos. All Sharmayne’s talk of desire and autonomy, of striking the east from Melbourne as its own city-state, it was all but sacrilege to Rudgier’s indoctrination, his own beliefs. Yet, they were also tantalising and forbidden, wrapped then delivered in a voice that balanced on the edge of jazzed smoke and dictator eloquence. For a man still trying to find his own voice, hers was a lure which he could not resist. She was his shadow double: everything he was and was not. He was still a young man, Nicky … though, I guess, temptation knows no age.
            He told me all about her one night. To be honest, I still don’t know why. Maybe he was seeing me as a confidante, ya know? We’d been out there for a few weeks and had each other’s back. The families may’ve let us in, but we were still Ministry, and a Ministry scalp to hang on the veranda would’ve been a neat addition to any eastern suburb décor. Yep, even back then. But Rudiger wasn’t the chatty best mate type. Not like yours truly. Even drinking, he held onto himself. He was observant and analytical and always interesting – just you never felt like you were talking to him, yeah? The Ministry Good fell out of his mouth more often than not, and though he delivered it with all the sincerity and poetry of a preacher, he was always looking into it, asking me questions about it. The only answer I ever had was, it’s a job. For some reason, this placated him. It’s a purpose, he’d say. The Good is circular. You spread it because it needs to be; and it needs to be spread because it is. No wonder he lost it in the end.
            Which is all to say, we rarely sunk into personal matters, so when he goes and tells me about Sharmayne, I didn’t know what to say. Beers had been had, Nicky, but I wouldn’t have thought enough to set tongues wagging and teeth chittering. He spoke humbly, but, admitted to his naivety, the first timeness of these feelings. I think he needed to get it out, admit to a doubt that didn’t often dare to cross Rudiger without him interrogating it first. All I did was sit there wary and worried. There was danger in this: a man finding his heart for something other than a cause for the first time, ‘specially as it come up as we were tryin to convince her family to war. A war, mind you, she would lead the charge in. Rudiger was quick to assure me he could perform the classic split between business and pleasure, and all I could do was say, sure you can. We drank some more that night and I spoke of old flames me self. He listened as though taking notes. It was all new to him. Really, he was more than the thirsty man I tried to say he was. I don’t know if he’d ever seen liquid.
            Course, there are dangers when it comes to dunking yourself headfirst into unfamiliar waters. Like, ya never know if a croc dwells somewhere under the surface, waiting to have a cheeky munch. When it may decide its hungry or bored enough to act on its most bastard desires.
            Aayden Taylor was that sharp toothed smiley fuck lurking just below the smear of mud on top of the water. His own ill repute camouflaged under that muck.
The eldest of the Taylor brats, Taylor was a rev headed thunder cunt if ever there was one. A proper force of personality and possessiveness, who was properly infamous round the east for the casual off-handedness of his brutal behaviours. Collecting Stations adorned with the decimated, disrespected heads of Walkers. Merchants unable to pay his toll neutered and then set off into the rain wilds of Ferntree Gully. Destruction derbies where the cars were set with explosives, then filled with eastern locals Aayden found disloyal.
The less said about his experiments in that torrid fucking situation people call the Vermont Vermin incident, the better. Rudiger and I saw a few of them poor, mutated bastards lingering around the far east when we went out on expedition with the Taylors. They were hiding under old trees and bridges, desperate to avoid the light. And he fucking giggled, Nicky. Him and his little disciples, while every other Taylor turned their eyes and spoke about the weather.
Rudiger had been wary of him right off. He disliked violent men who used violence for its own end. Whose satisfaction was steeped in those actions. Ever the rational Biff, he needed to understand action before committing to it. And it was obvious that Aayden didn’t really get Rudiger – he was thoughtless action incarnate. He tried to be matey with him. Go shooting or driving. Surely, they shared a love for the sound of a man’s skull cracking under impact. Tried to invite him on a few “hunting” expeditions. Hunting for what? Out there? Nicky, I’d rather not guess. But ya dad, he turned him away and kept his distance. Went back to the older, more venerable Taylors. Even they worried about Aayden, even if they found him to have his uses. Every family needs their own bunyip.
Personally, I found Aayden useful. A torrential gossip who always took the bits of the story that he liked and ran with it. Like, Aayden didn’t listen to the parts of the legend that told of Rudiger’s hesitation, his sadness that people didn’t understand the Good. Aayden only heard the bits with the cricket bat. So, telling him that there was treasure at the Walkers – he didn’t hear ‘treasure,’ not even gold when it got to that. All Aayden heard was that they had something, anything, that he didn’t, and cos of this, he wanted it and wanted it now.
Probably, why he was obsessed with Sharmayne.