Some Theories About What the Possums in My Walls are Building; or, There's A Possum in My Walls Building Catapults

Recently, my house has been suspect to an invasion. After two and a bit years of relative peace, there are now possums in the roof and walls of my house. I can hear them, scurrying around, causing a ruckus, plotting. The noises they make are strange and have a peculiar echo, like they’re dragging around empty wooden boxes over uneven concrete ground in a really big cavern.

They are building something. Of this, I am certain.

What are they building?

It is here that I am less certain, as I cannot peer into the walls of my house to investigate and I am genuinely frightened of the prospect of trying to get into the roof.

So here are some theories as to what they may be building:

• A catapult.
• Before the possums began living in my house, they used it as an integral part of their highway from the front yard, via our shed, to the trees and house behind us. Considering this, I believe they may be constructing some sort of tunnel to evade the weather in their nightly pilgrimage.
• A church or meditative space.
• Some sort of herb garden.
• An arena, or colosseum if you will, where they can sort out their differences. Occasionally they just seem to repeatedly ram the wall, which I feel could be some kind of peacock feather-like display of masculinity or sexual virility. A place for them to keep score and maintain a sense of rules for this strutting carrying on would make sense.
• A staircase to assist older possums. Or perhaps something more artistic, in the Surreal sense, like this staircase:
  
• A Super Happy Fun Slide.
• A panic room. I’ve already started screaming, ‘dammit, Jodie! Shut up!’ when they start carrying on at night and wake me up.
• A graveyard to store dead possums.
• A nightclub called, Walls.
• A storage facility for all those things possums like to collect: stamps, leftover food, interesting leaves, flying fox wings etc.
• A school or TAFE (specialist training in how to growl/breathe deeply, basic grooming courses, and how to make catapults in restricted space).
• A simulacrum of the inside of a tree (for the postmodern possums).
• A planetarium.

I don't think they know that the house will soon be torn down, making all their efforts completely pointless. I'm not going to tell them though. I too intensely dislike them to let them know that they are wasting their time and it gives me some ounce of pleasure to know how they are going to get caught out, their hard work (which has consistently woke me up at five in the morning the last week) gone to waste.

(Unless they're fortifying the house against destruction? That'd explain the catapults.)