things that the Abbott Government believes in instead of climate change

1. Yetis.
2. Koalas, enraged with syphilis, are savaging the domestic cat population and desperately need culling. Hence: Operation Rise & Fall of the Drop Bear.
3. Bushfires are like fairies: if you say you don’t believe in them, they cease to exist.
4. All men named Art, practice art.
5. Greythorn is a real suburb.
6. Morgan Freeman’s voice is the solution to all the world’s problems. Particularly the so-called, ‘penguin issue.’
7. Chupacabra is getting around QLD killing the banana trees.
8. Poor people don’t drive, nor do they care for education. Plus they all worship The Mothman.
9. There’s a subspecies of Gum Tree in Tasmania acting oddly: that is, autonomously. This genus is a threat and needs killing before the trees start hurling boulders at Hobart.
10. Your face went to the zoo on a scholarship funded by your mum’s moustache’s platonic fling with a professor fond of liturgies, corn flakes and dusty rooms filled with old armour.
11. Bunyips.
12. The numerous and exciting health benefits of Cocoa Puffs!
13. Sweden and Switzerland are the same country.
14. Coal is good for humanity, and, far from being a punishment, to receive a lump of coal as a child at Christmas is to be symbolically welcomed as a citizen of humanity.
15. The penguin recently knighted in Norway is now its King.[1]
16. The loch ness monster is swimming around Darling Harbour.
17. There are actually Orcs in New Zealand who are a major threat to that nation’s gentry. Interventionist action, however, has been complicated by the Orcs' Catholicism. 
18. The world is a poorer place in the absences of: Killing Heidi, Taxi Ride, The Androids, The Danni Minogue Corporation, Human Nature, Nicky Webster.
19. The government does not exist on the teat, and at the whims, of News Corp.
20. The bogeyman is real and it lives under Joe Hockey’s bed. It’s probably poor.
21. The polar ice caps are melting because polar bears breathe too much and they have a particularly warm breath. Also, all polar bears are left handed. They're failure of ambidexterity is their own issue and probably why they're failing as a species.
22. The Cosmic Duck Whose Quack Fails To Echo In Eternity.

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[1] http://www.nbcnews.com/id/26219632/ns/world_news-weird_news/t/king-penguin-receives-norwegian-knighthood/#.VFa2g_mUd8E