The Knife Sharpener (35)

35.

The paperwork was nearly done. Neatly stacked and ordered. Marked in all the most important places with colour-coded tags for quick reference. Perfect double spaced and Times New Roman font. A rigid adherence to proper Ministry grammar: active voice, present tense, direct, no split infinitives, consistent and simple word usage, neutral in tone, short sentences in short paragraphs. It was a well-engineered piece of official legalese, impenetrable to anyone but its authors and Officers of Ministry Law. A perfect piece of papered construction for the Ministry.

            It had taken Hadley and Carol all evening to prepare it. Not that they minded. The preparation and justification of the case was the job, after all. A not unenjoyable part, at that. Indeed, they relished the quiet echo of fingers typing and government books shuffling in eager hands.

            ‘Well, I think that is almost that,’ said Carol.

            ‘You could say that, Carol,’ said Hadley.

            ‘I did, Hadley.’

            ‘I heard it.’

            ‘We are agreed then?’

            ‘For the purpose of now, yes, we are.’

            ‘Phenomenal.’

            ‘Awesome.’

            ‘Shall we hand it in?’

            ‘We must. They have been patient.’

            They stood and brushed their impeccable suits of invisible office dust. Hadley reached out and retrieved a last piece of paper from the printer. He carefully added it to the other pages. Carol prepared a large stapler. She looked over to Hadley. He was organizing his pens in order of size and colour.

            ‘Are we certain that the Ministry position is unassailable?’ asked Carol.

            ‘Research has shown that our capability to shield the Ministry from fault is highly regarded,’ said Hadley.

            ‘I believe it has.’

            ‘It is often said.’

            ‘It should be noted then, Hadley, that based on past performance, and the frequent observations of the success of our past performances, that our work tonight is very likely to be quite judicious in its design and, therefore, a reasonable justification for future actions.’

‘Then we are ready.’

‘It would seem so.’

‘So it would seem.’

            ‘It should be noted that we have reached accord.’

            ‘Noted,’ said Hadley, who signed the top of their paperwork.

            ‘Agreed,’ said Carol, who signed under Hadley.

            Standing up from either side of the desk, they turned to stare at one another. Firmly, from the elbow, they shook hands. Then peeled back each other’s sleeves, revealing forearms crisscrossed in pale new and old scars.

            Both pulled plain switch knives from small sheafs on their hips. Flicked them with short whipped cracks.

            ‘Truth is written in blood,’ said Carol and scoured Hadley’s arm with a short, sharp cut.

            ‘Truth is written in blood,’ said Hadley and scoured Carol’s arm with a short, sharp cut.

            Blood dribbled down onto their document. Splattering over the title of their work: DMB777890: An Exhaustive Rationale for the Execution of Nichola Otwey and Helmut Iser. It sponged along the paper to the header: Department of Ministry Biffs: Sub-Department of Ministry Property, Contraband & Dangerous Artefacts.

            Carol and Hadley placed their knives down on the desk, then drew narrow glass inkwells from pockets in their jackets. They held these high and let marine blue ink dribble down onto their outstretched arms. It spilled into the blood still pumping from their cuts, dribbling over the edge onto the paper in little splots.

            ‘Truth is written in ink,’ they both said and placed their inkwells next to their knives.

            Carol stapled the pages together. Hadley rolled the sopping document into a tight roll and placed it in into a plastic tube.

            ‘Shall we?’ he asked.

            ‘It is probably best we do,’ said Carol.

            ‘Then we must.’

            ‘Indeed, we must.’

            Hadley reached out and opened a hatch on a chute next to their desk. He placed the tube within. There was a sucking noise and the tube, with all their hard, meticulous work crafted in rewarding exacting detail whistled up the chute into the ceiling.

            ‘Excellent,’ said Hadley.

            ‘Fabulous,’ said Carol.

            They went about quickly sopping their arms with a clean towel they kept in their drawers, dabbing any stray specks of blood or ink. Their work spaces were immaculate. Everything had its use and was free of clutter.

            When they were done, Carol opened a large metallic cupboard. She reached in and pulled out a grey assault rifle. Hadley took it from her and proceeded to systematically check its functioning and parts. The feeding, chambering, locking, firing, obturation, unlocking, extraction, ejection, and cocking were examined, then examined again when he handed it back to Carol. They repeated the process with another rifle and a pair of Glock 26s.

            ‘The firearms appear to be fully functional,’ said Hadley.

            ‘Arguably, they have never been in finer function,’ said Carol.

            ‘I would not argue that point.’

            ‘Nor would I.’

            ‘Fortunate, for it would seem that their use is imminent.’

            ‘I agree with this assessment.’

            ‘As do I.’

            ‘Exactly as it has been stated?’

            ‘Of course. Word for word.’

            They holstered the pistols and slung the rifles over the shoulders. Carol went to switch off the office light. Double checked that things were spick and span. In exactly the right place. Waited for confirmation. The gears of stripped bureaucracy and small government to work.

            ‘You know, I do think that we have done fine work this evening,’ said Carol.

            ‘I do, too,’ said Hadley.

            ‘It is good that we agree on this.’

            ‘Your summation is precise. I appreciate it.’

            ‘I appreciate your verbalised appreciation.’

            ‘It is good we are using the skills we learned in Positive Office Communication.’

‘It will please human relations.’

            ‘It was a worthwhile course.’

            ‘This has been said a great deal, by a great many people I know.’

            ‘They must be wise.’

            ‘They are.’

            ‘A happy office is a positive office.’

            ‘A happy worker is buoyed by the positivity of others.’

            ‘Are you happy?’

            ‘Of course. We are working.’

            ‘Working is exciting.’

            ‘Excellent.’

            ‘Fantastic.’

            There was a sudden thumping sound as a tube slammed down their chute. Hadley pulled it out and unrolled the scroll-like paper within. He read.

            ‘Happily, again, it is good news,’ said Hadley. ‘Many of our Ministry scholars have managed to find where the Traitor placed his offspring.’

            ‘This is good news.’

            ‘Terribly.’

            ‘Where is she?’

            ‘St Kilda. It isn’t far.’

            ‘It is quite close.’

            ‘I will drive.’

            ‘This is probably a good idea.’

            ‘Unity is best.’

            ‘Always.’

‘Then let us go.’

            ‘Yes. Lets. You have done well tonight. I have noticed,’ said Carol.

            ‘Thankyou,’ said Hadley. ‘I have noticed your fabulous work too. Now, let us go get the Ministry Knife back.’